Hi! I'm Zsuzsi (pronounced Zshoo-zshee). I want to share with you the story of how I went from being a feminist-hippie-burningman-new-age-goddess-girl to a Jesus-loving-mother! Yep, it's an unusual story I'm sure, but it's mine and here it is...
I remember being a young girl and feeling the love of Jesus. I remember putting my children's bible on my night table, open to a certain page, an altar to God and my sacred nature. I was raised Catholic and participated in all the rites of the church and went to Catholic school for all of elementary and high school. I enjoyed singing most of all in church. It was just what we did- go to church, I didn't think too much about it, but I also didn't develop a strong personal relationship with God or Jesus, which is where my story falters.
As I got older and became a teen, life got more challenging and I didn't have the solid foundation I really needed to maintain my faith. Between the death of a schoolmate and my parent's impending divorce, I lost my way. I became the typical teenage rebel, getting into trouble. Once I went off to college, I got into mysticism through a world religions class.
Soon after, I was introduced to the Rave scene in San Francisco with all the glitter and lollipops I could ever want... but I was still very depressed and continuously searching. I learned about ecstatic dance through reading Gabrielle Roth's book, "Maps to Ecstasy," and realized that's what I was experiencing. I LOVED to dance, and didn't just love it, I was really good at it. Not in a technical-pointed-toe kind of way, but in an ecstatically, emotionally expressed entertaining and pleasing way. It was an art that came naturally as I pursued it further. So I did. I went to college and studied dance, primarily African, Haitian, West African and Modern dance. I was in heaven. Through these dance classes, I learned about the voodoo traditions and even participated in dances that honored these deities. I remember hearing about a woman in another class who got possessed during class. We always had to cover our heads for dance class, but that won't stop a demon from entering your body if you are still giving them permission.
Well, it was a slippery slope and soon, I was going to Wiccan rituals and learning all about "magic." I took classes on Wiccan practices and eventually initiated into a coven with other witches. This was also around the time I got pretty deep into menstrual cycle wisdom, working with blood and shamanism. Part of my feminist path was devoted to helping women understand and appreciate their menstrual cycle. As well as proclaiming myself as a menstrual activist and general feminist. This included not feeling the need to have children although I very much wanted to be married.
Angels and fairies fascinated me and I found myself training to be an Angel Therapy Practitioner with Doreen Virtue. (This part of the story will be important in my coming to Christ) I became very obsessed with Chakra clearing, auras, angels, channeling spirit guides, mediumship, meditation, crystals, and anything else that screams New Age.
"There shall not be found among you anyone...who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For all who do these things are an abomination to the LORD, and because of these abominations the LORD your God drives them out from before you...the LORD your God has not appointed such for you." ~ Deuteronomy 18:10-14
Soon after that, I got pretty deep into shamanic rituals and dance with some friends. We constantly channeled "ancestors, departed loved ones, spirit guides and angels," AKA demons for wisdom, support, guidance and abundance. No, I never once remember "testing the spirits" to see if they were truly from God. As only God can send angels to you, AND only people who are saved (one who claims Jesus as their savior) have guardian angels.
"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world." ~ 1John 4:1-3
My friends and I blindly obliged any and all demons that came to us and performed many community rituals and dances to invoke their spirits and "heal the land." It's still hard for me to believe that all of this was based on the will of Satan, but I'm sure of it because although it was good and lovely for us to honor the earth, it was also not God's will to be channeling these spirits. There are so many ways we can be honoring the land, honoring God, and helping the make the world better that don't involve working with demonic spirits, rituals and casting spells. It is way more simple than that: plant a garden, eat the food, eat healthy, treat your body well, give thanks to God for the bounty. Reduce, reuse, recycle. It's easy to get right with nature, but just like anything, you have to be willing. Same with getting right with God. Because we have free will, we have to choose whether we pray to God or Satan. Do Jesus' will, or Satan's. Satan's will is all about self-fulfillment, no matter what the cost. Focused on me me me me. Following Jesus means doing what God tells you, even when it is uncomfortable and not so fun. Here I am!
"Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the LORD your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish." ~ Deuteronomy 8:39
Once I met my husband (at burning man) my life changed drastically and I became an instant part-time mom to his 5 year old son at the time. Even so, I continued practicing my spells and new-age-magic nonsense. This continued for several years. When my husband decided to go to college, we moved to a small town and while riding our bike on Christmas Eve, we ended up going to a Methodist Church. We began attending the church regularly and got very involved with the community there. The funny part was, we still weren't reading the bible and we were still doing our pagan/wiccan practices and I continued my meditations with spirit guides. I even was taken on a wonderful Christian retreat called "Walk to Emmaus" where I truly felt God's love pour out on me. But there was still my feminist programing that told me I didn't need Jesus "I'm a feminist, I'm good." HaHAHAHAhaha yeah, except it wasn't good. Satan still had a hold on me and my heart just wouldn't open to Jesus.
Then I got pregnant
And everything changed. I was blown open by the miracle of life growing inside of me. I was incredibly joyful and blissed out. I continued meditating throughout my pregnancy, this time, using tibetan buddhism meditations to "take my child through the underworld safely." Nope, that was not my job- that is only a job for GOD. But, alas, I was still deeply deceived by the devil and thought I was in control of my child's destiny. No, I'm not.
"For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works." ~ 2 Corinthians 11:14-15
We eventually stopped going to that church due to conflicting political views- the church should not be like the world. The church should be above the world, a refuge for holiness and not interfere with politics or culture.
Watching my daughter grow was a truly holy experience, knowing that I co-created with God to bring LIFE into the world still and will always blow my mind. And I see now that my love for her opened my heart so that I could FINALLY accept Christ into my life.
She was 2 and a half when I finally got on my knees asking for God's help because she was seemingly being haunted by spirits that I believed were evil. Although I had been meditating and praying to all manner of spirits, I still ALWAYS believed in GOD. And when something was really important, I would pray to the big guy for help. This was that time. I asked God how I could protect my little girl and why was this happening. As I had noticed this since she was a baby and had tried calling on angels and lighting candles and it would help for a day or two, but then they would be back. I was horrified to think it would always be like this and I just wanted her to be safe.
Over the course of the next few days, everywhere I went, in person or online, people were talking about Jesus. I saw a video on youtube from Doreen Virtue about "The shocking truth about the law of attraction and word of faith" I was instantly confused, "What?! The law of attraction...so I started watching it and was very confused. Why was Doreen, the woman who taught me all about angels and spirit guides, now telling me the Law of Attraction is false doctrine?! Below that was another of her videos: "Doreen's big announcement apologies and explanation." Ok, let's watch this one, I thought. Well, I was surely amazed as I heard her apologizing for leading people astray by way of her books, teachings and oracle decks (of which I owned many). She talked about how Jesus came to her and showed her that she was carrying out Satan's will instead of God's. She immediately repented (stopped what she was doing and changed her life) and asked for forgiveness. She suffered massive personal attack for her conversion as well as financial ruin, but she knew she had to do what God asked of her, so she did. I was so curious about her change and remembered the times people talked to me about Jesus in the days up to this, and how I prayed for my daughter. It surely felt like God was speaking to me.
Over the next few days, I asked God for clarity and guidance. I soon realized all the ways I had been sinning and going against Him in my life, I repented and asked for forgiveness. I got myself a bible right quick and prayed more than I ever had before in my life that God would show me the way to make my life right and guide my family in a good way. I asked Jesus to make himself known to me, to be in my life, to be with my daughter and I told him how sorry I was. I felt my life change immediately. I continuously asked the Holy Spirit to purify my life, purify my heart and guide me. I felt a huge sigh of relief, and a sense of peace came to me as I hadn't felt since I was a child. I knew I was on the right track.
Thankfully, my husband was having a similar experience of wanting to know Christ and to find a church that was true and fed us deeply on the spiritual level. We decided that we were turning our life to Jesus and rejoiced in this new chapter. However this also meant we would have to change our lives in big ways. For me, I had to get rid of all my new age, pagan, wiccan, shamanistic books, articles and accoutrements. Which meant 3 large bonfires, burning books and oracle decks and all my old journals of emotional Godless turmoil. The hardest part was getting everything. Although there was some grief, it was minimal compared to the feeling of relief and triumph I experienced when the items were gone. Over the next several weeks and months, I would continue to clean my life of my old ways, I didn't want to have any way for the devil to get in to my house or life. I learned more and more about spiritual warfare and how Satan uses occult items to connect to your spirit. The devil is always trying to win back Christians and he is very sneaky and sly that you wouldn't even notice, unless you are deep in God's word- The Bible, and praying daily.
This journey hasn't been easy, but I rest easy now, knowing that I am safely in God's arms. He is my lord and I can easily say that. Changing my life has been time consuming and sometimes overwhelming, but it is absolutely worth it so I don't worry about it. Now I understand how his sacrifice saved the rest of us humans, and I am forever grateful, showing my gratitude by praising his name and sharing the good news- with you!
May you be blessed by this message and may you know Jesus in you heart!
"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." ~Jesus' words from John 14:6
Love, Zsuzsi
I remember being a young girl and feeling the love of Jesus. I remember putting my children's bible on my night table, open to a certain page, an altar to God and my sacred nature. I was raised Catholic and participated in all the rites of the church and went to Catholic school for all of elementary and high school. I enjoyed singing most of all in church. It was just what we did- go to church, I didn't think too much about it, but I also didn't develop a strong personal relationship with God or Jesus, which is where my story falters.
As I got older and became a teen, life got more challenging and I didn't have the solid foundation I really needed to maintain my faith. Between the death of a schoolmate and my parent's impending divorce, I lost my way. I became the typical teenage rebel, getting into trouble. Once I went off to college, I got into mysticism through a world religions class.
Soon after, I was introduced to the Rave scene in San Francisco with all the glitter and lollipops I could ever want... but I was still very depressed and continuously searching. I learned about ecstatic dance through reading Gabrielle Roth's book, "Maps to Ecstasy," and realized that's what I was experiencing. I LOVED to dance, and didn't just love it, I was really good at it. Not in a technical-pointed-toe kind of way, but in an ecstatically, emotionally expressed entertaining and pleasing way. It was an art that came naturally as I pursued it further. So I did. I went to college and studied dance, primarily African, Haitian, West African and Modern dance. I was in heaven. Through these dance classes, I learned about the voodoo traditions and even participated in dances that honored these deities. I remember hearing about a woman in another class who got possessed during class. We always had to cover our heads for dance class, but that won't stop a demon from entering your body if you are still giving them permission.
Well, it was a slippery slope and soon, I was going to Wiccan rituals and learning all about "magic." I took classes on Wiccan practices and eventually initiated into a coven with other witches. This was also around the time I got pretty deep into menstrual cycle wisdom, working with blood and shamanism. Part of my feminist path was devoted to helping women understand and appreciate their menstrual cycle. As well as proclaiming myself as a menstrual activist and general feminist. This included not feeling the need to have children although I very much wanted to be married.
Angels and fairies fascinated me and I found myself training to be an Angel Therapy Practitioner with Doreen Virtue. (This part of the story will be important in my coming to Christ) I became very obsessed with Chakra clearing, auras, angels, channeling spirit guides, mediumship, meditation, crystals, and anything else that screams New Age.
"There shall not be found among you anyone...who practices witchcraft, or a soothsayer, or one who interprets omens, or a sorcerer, or one who conjures spells, or a medium, or a spiritist, or one who calls up the dead. For all who do these things are an abomination to the LORD, and because of these abominations the LORD your God drives them out from before you...the LORD your God has not appointed such for you." ~ Deuteronomy 18:10-14
Soon after that, I got pretty deep into shamanic rituals and dance with some friends. We constantly channeled "ancestors, departed loved ones, spirit guides and angels," AKA demons for wisdom, support, guidance and abundance. No, I never once remember "testing the spirits" to see if they were truly from God. As only God can send angels to you, AND only people who are saved (one who claims Jesus as their savior) have guardian angels.
"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world." ~ 1John 4:1-3
My friends and I blindly obliged any and all demons that came to us and performed many community rituals and dances to invoke their spirits and "heal the land." It's still hard for me to believe that all of this was based on the will of Satan, but I'm sure of it because although it was good and lovely for us to honor the earth, it was also not God's will to be channeling these spirits. There are so many ways we can be honoring the land, honoring God, and helping the make the world better that don't involve working with demonic spirits, rituals and casting spells. It is way more simple than that: plant a garden, eat the food, eat healthy, treat your body well, give thanks to God for the bounty. Reduce, reuse, recycle. It's easy to get right with nature, but just like anything, you have to be willing. Same with getting right with God. Because we have free will, we have to choose whether we pray to God or Satan. Do Jesus' will, or Satan's. Satan's will is all about self-fulfillment, no matter what the cost. Focused on me me me me. Following Jesus means doing what God tells you, even when it is uncomfortable and not so fun. Here I am!
"Then it shall be, if you by any means forget the LORD your God, and follow other gods, and serve them and worship them, I testify against you this day that you shall surely perish." ~ Deuteronomy 8:39
Once I met my husband (at burning man) my life changed drastically and I became an instant part-time mom to his 5 year old son at the time. Even so, I continued practicing my spells and new-age-magic nonsense. This continued for several years. When my husband decided to go to college, we moved to a small town and while riding our bike on Christmas Eve, we ended up going to a Methodist Church. We began attending the church regularly and got very involved with the community there. The funny part was, we still weren't reading the bible and we were still doing our pagan/wiccan practices and I continued my meditations with spirit guides. I even was taken on a wonderful Christian retreat called "Walk to Emmaus" where I truly felt God's love pour out on me. But there was still my feminist programing that told me I didn't need Jesus "I'm a feminist, I'm good." HaHAHAHAhaha yeah, except it wasn't good. Satan still had a hold on me and my heart just wouldn't open to Jesus.
Then I got pregnant
And everything changed. I was blown open by the miracle of life growing inside of me. I was incredibly joyful and blissed out. I continued meditating throughout my pregnancy, this time, using tibetan buddhism meditations to "take my child through the underworld safely." Nope, that was not my job- that is only a job for GOD. But, alas, I was still deeply deceived by the devil and thought I was in control of my child's destiny. No, I'm not.
"For Satan himself transforms himself into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also transform themselves into ministers of righteousness, whose end will be according to their works." ~ 2 Corinthians 11:14-15
We eventually stopped going to that church due to conflicting political views- the church should not be like the world. The church should be above the world, a refuge for holiness and not interfere with politics or culture.
Watching my daughter grow was a truly holy experience, knowing that I co-created with God to bring LIFE into the world still and will always blow my mind. And I see now that my love for her opened my heart so that I could FINALLY accept Christ into my life.
She was 2 and a half when I finally got on my knees asking for God's help because she was seemingly being haunted by spirits that I believed were evil. Although I had been meditating and praying to all manner of spirits, I still ALWAYS believed in GOD. And when something was really important, I would pray to the big guy for help. This was that time. I asked God how I could protect my little girl and why was this happening. As I had noticed this since she was a baby and had tried calling on angels and lighting candles and it would help for a day or two, but then they would be back. I was horrified to think it would always be like this and I just wanted her to be safe.
Over the course of the next few days, everywhere I went, in person or online, people were talking about Jesus. I saw a video on youtube from Doreen Virtue about "The shocking truth about the law of attraction and word of faith" I was instantly confused, "What?! The law of attraction...so I started watching it and was very confused. Why was Doreen, the woman who taught me all about angels and spirit guides, now telling me the Law of Attraction is false doctrine?! Below that was another of her videos: "Doreen's big announcement apologies and explanation." Ok, let's watch this one, I thought. Well, I was surely amazed as I heard her apologizing for leading people astray by way of her books, teachings and oracle decks (of which I owned many). She talked about how Jesus came to her and showed her that she was carrying out Satan's will instead of God's. She immediately repented (stopped what she was doing and changed her life) and asked for forgiveness. She suffered massive personal attack for her conversion as well as financial ruin, but she knew she had to do what God asked of her, so she did. I was so curious about her change and remembered the times people talked to me about Jesus in the days up to this, and how I prayed for my daughter. It surely felt like God was speaking to me.
Over the next few days, I asked God for clarity and guidance. I soon realized all the ways I had been sinning and going against Him in my life, I repented and asked for forgiveness. I got myself a bible right quick and prayed more than I ever had before in my life that God would show me the way to make my life right and guide my family in a good way. I asked Jesus to make himself known to me, to be in my life, to be with my daughter and I told him how sorry I was. I felt my life change immediately. I continuously asked the Holy Spirit to purify my life, purify my heart and guide me. I felt a huge sigh of relief, and a sense of peace came to me as I hadn't felt since I was a child. I knew I was on the right track.
Thankfully, my husband was having a similar experience of wanting to know Christ and to find a church that was true and fed us deeply on the spiritual level. We decided that we were turning our life to Jesus and rejoiced in this new chapter. However this also meant we would have to change our lives in big ways. For me, I had to get rid of all my new age, pagan, wiccan, shamanistic books, articles and accoutrements. Which meant 3 large bonfires, burning books and oracle decks and all my old journals of emotional Godless turmoil. The hardest part was getting everything. Although there was some grief, it was minimal compared to the feeling of relief and triumph I experienced when the items were gone. Over the next several weeks and months, I would continue to clean my life of my old ways, I didn't want to have any way for the devil to get in to my house or life. I learned more and more about spiritual warfare and how Satan uses occult items to connect to your spirit. The devil is always trying to win back Christians and he is very sneaky and sly that you wouldn't even notice, unless you are deep in God's word- The Bible, and praying daily.
This journey hasn't been easy, but I rest easy now, knowing that I am safely in God's arms. He is my lord and I can easily say that. Changing my life has been time consuming and sometimes overwhelming, but it is absolutely worth it so I don't worry about it. Now I understand how his sacrifice saved the rest of us humans, and I am forever grateful, showing my gratitude by praising his name and sharing the good news- with you!
May you be blessed by this message and may you know Jesus in you heart!
"I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." ~Jesus' words from John 14:6
Love, Zsuzsi